Baldilocks
has a great post about parenting. One of the comments to her post got me a bit riled though and trying to be a polite guest, I tried to restrain my answer, I hope I succeed. But, here, I don't have to hold back *G*
To me, a good parent is a good parent, whether they be single, married, purple, blue, male or female. I came from a dysfucntional family, we just didn't realize it, because in many ways, we were very much like all the other dysfunctional families. No, we weren't a single parent family, we were the king sized dysfunctional family, the two parent kind. The kind where the fighting was only interrupted by the cold silences that could last for weeks on end. There's a lesson in communication. And although I hate to generalize, there's just nothing like a great big ole Irish two parent dysfunctional family. The cast of players didn't seem to differ much from family to family either. The Dad was a drinker, the mother a yeller and an Irish mother cornered the market on guilt, I don't care what anyone says. Heck, an Irish Caholic mother had the power of the saints behind her every world. Trust was never a factor, you were always doing the wrong thing, with the wrong people at the wrong time. And what would the neighbors think? I never understood this. An Irish woman that I worked with once explained to me that the Irish can't praise their children, that wasn't the correct or humble way to behave. So that's why praise was never very big in our neck of the woods. And you were never, never to air the dirty laundry, but one who suffers the wrath of a dysfunctional family can spot another a mile away. No one had to admit to it, you just knew. As an adult, I actually sat and listened to a woman tell us all about how she and her husband fought constantly, in front of the children no less and in the next breath, had the nerve to refer to my son as I as a dysfucntional family. No, we're a fixed family, you, my dear are the broken and dysfunctional ones. Staying together for the sake of the children, wonderful excuse.
I married a man from a family similar to mine, except the tales he told had violence in them, thankfully something I bever experienced....until marriage that is.
A good parent stands by their child through it all, divorce, separation, it doesn't matter. Marriage doesn't make a male or female role model, the parent does, whether they continue to live as a group or extend beyond. What an insult to all the war brides that functioned as providers and mother and father for their children when their husbands were lost in the war or return disabled. And what of the children being raised by mothers or fathers when teh other parent is off on active duty for extended periods of time. Do these children suffer from the lack of a role model, do they view men as less than masculine because they see women in the role of provider?
I just wish all the people who spout off about good family values and the horror of the single parent family would do more than generalize and give some decent examples. And so often, they are so quick to criticize what they don't know themselves first hand. Reminds me of the good church goers that try and run you over in the parking lot.
Posted by Mickey at September 20, 2003 3:40 PM